He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
