just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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