Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
