I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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