You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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