Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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