Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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