i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
