We won't sleep together?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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