Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
