Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
