My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
