Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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