You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
