i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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