Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
