he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
