im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize