Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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