That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
