hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
