Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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