i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
