I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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