Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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