My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
