how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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