I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
