he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
