i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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