Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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