I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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