tell your sister to shave her snatch
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
