I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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