It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
