Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize