Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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