I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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