someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
