Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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