he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We need a shit load of segways right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
