I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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