There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
