5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
