I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
