So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
