We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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