he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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