so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
