I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
