My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
