Kiss
Puke
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
