the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
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Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
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i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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