Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
