Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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