Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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