Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
