I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
