A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
