I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
