I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
