bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
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Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.