I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?