I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now