I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.