I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.