I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.