what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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