i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
