i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
