I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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