The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
did you just send me my own nude
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
