The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
