he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
