I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
soo... how was my night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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