I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
